If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been all week, you must have missed last week’s post.

 

Because in last week’s post, I told you that our moving truck (all of our household goods) would arrive on Monday, December 5.

And arrive, it did!

 

Random Alabama Fun Fact: Fort Rucker, AL, is in the CENTRAL time zone. An hour behind my Michiganders!

 

Anyway, I’ve been unpacking ALL OF OUR CRAP since Monday.

 

Unpacking your stuff (that was packed up for you by a moving company) is:

Exciting

Surprising

Frustrating

Emotionally taxing

Heartbreaking

E X H A U S T I N G

 

It is all of these things for a multitude of reasons, the most common being that I didn’t pack up my own stuff.

 

Which means that I’m missing some SHIT, people.

And, also? It took me a full 30 hours to locate my coffee pot. Because it was in a box marked “art supplies.”

Wtf?

This would have been fine, if I could have gotten anywhere near Burger King at 7am the following day.

 

What? you ask.

 

Well, because I can’t get my military ID yet (tomorrow!), I am not allowed to buy things from most places on base.

Which means that, when I find out I don’t have coffee filters (seriously, why didn’t I buy coffee filters before we left?), I can’t just hop on down to the Commissary (that’s our grocery store on base) and pick some up. Because the lady at the checkout will stare at me until I hand her a military ID before she rings my stuff up.

 

So, armed with this knowledge and lacking a coffee pot, I traversed the army landscape in search of that Burger King I saw the other day. I was sure they’d let me have one small black coffee without forcing me to identify myself.

Too bad, though, because did you know? The base shuts down certain roads in the morning.

Why?

For PT (personal training AKA daily exercise for soldiers).

So I literally couldn’t get to Burger King for coffee on day one. So, no coffee for me.

 

The Burger King catastrophe ended up being the least of my concerns that day.

Because I later found it impossible to locate the whereabouts of my f*^#ing silverware.

So, after I prepared a delicious salad for myself, I spent 45 minutes tearing through 80% of the properly marked boxes searching for a f&$@ing fork. Properly marked = “dishes” or “kitchen.”

Since none of those boxes contained silverware, and because I was starving, I used a gigantic plastic serving fork.

 

Where, oh where, is my f*cking silverware?

 

It worked just as well as you think it did.

 

Also upsetting?

The moving company dinged up all my crap!

Yeah!

Two out of four bookshelves = trashed. Can’t use ’em. Which is too bad, because I’ve got 6,238,012 books to shelve.

Who wants some books?

 

Also, my dresser.

*sob*

I spent WEEKS sanding and priming my dining room table and dresser, painting them blue, and painstakingly applying coat after coat of polycrylic to their surfaces until they SHINED.

And the moving company just scraped and scratched and dinged them both to hell! But especially my prized dresser.

 

Very NOT happy.

Luckily, my frustration is offset by the fact that we are finally in our home.

 

OUR HOME!!

It’s perfect and adorable.

 

Plus, all the stuff I bought last week during my self-soothing shopping spree keeps arriving, so it’s like Christmas every day!

 

Just yesterday, our comforter set arrived (our first, ever!), and boy is this thing luxurious.

I was so thrilled when I climbed into it that I had to capture my delight on camera.

Happy Brooke = happy home.

SO HAPPY RIGHT THERE.

 

The only problem is that the comforter isn’t gray like Amazon said. It’s lavender.

Luckily for Amazon, I’ve already complained about enough things they’ve sent me this week and filled my quota of virtual argumentation, so I’ll let this one slide.

Why am I complaining so much?

Well, because all of the crap we’ve been getting has been beaten to sh*t!

See below.

Damaged goods.

COME ON, AMAZON!!!!!

That’s just one spot of damage on our new headboard. There’s another puncture hole RIGHT THROUGH the front!

Good thing our mattress covers the hole, because according to Amazon customer service, the only way we’d get a refund is to ship the f*!@er back, and the box was soaking wet and in pieces at that point.

I know, it’s a wonder I’m still alive.

 

What’s important is that I am now sleeping in a lavender cloud.

 

I’ll show you a full shot of my comforter set in my upcoming look how great my house looks post.

 

Also, Husband has been working HARD on stabilizing our brand new washer.

This thing is out of control!

 

Husband and I are just you’re average American couple, buying large appliances and “saving money” by installing them ourselves.

Yeah right, with this washer.

 

This thing is possessed. I swear it almost broke through the wall the other day.

It gets going on its spin cycle and there is no stopping it. Get out of the way or you’ll lose a hand!

THE WHOLE HOUSE SHAKES!! In a very alarming and not funny way.

I went into the laundry room the other night just to check on Husband and make sure he wasn’t knocked unconscious by this thing.

It’s frightening and I hate it and thus I spent an hour on the phone with customer service trying to locate my order (what?) and get someone to come out and wrangle this wild beast to the ground.

 

No worries, they will be here next F&#!ING week Thursday to fix it.

Awesome!

 

On the positive side, we’re fully unpacked. All moved in!

 

Yup!

 

I took this…

*sigh*

 

And turned it into this!

still *sigh*

 

It looks even better than that, now.

Oh, and one of those boxes is Brother-In-Law’s. Husband accidentally gave it to the movers.

So, HOW did I unpack our house in just two days?!

By working nonstop 24/7.

Except for the breaks I took to reacquaint myself with Netflix, of course.

Ahhh, Netflix. How I’ve missed you.

Any Flix recommendations, pals?

 

The only down side to being fully unpacked is that our garage is now wall-to-wall filled with boxes.

Don’t believe me?

A garage full of empty boxes.

 

What the f@*& are we supposed to do with those boxes? No one told us about this part.

 

thought the moving company was going to unload our sh*t for us and take the boxes away, but “oh, I have to contact my supervisor for approval first” and, really, those guys couldn’t get out of here fast enough.

I unpacked practically all of the kitchen boxes at warp speed while those movers were still here (seriously, I was out of breath), just so they’d take the empty boxes!

I was throwing cans across the kitchen when one of the movers said, “We should hire you! You don’t mess around!”

No. No, I don’t.

 

Guess what else I don’t do?

Respond appropriately when I find out that our SHIT is missing!

Yeah!

When Husband and I watched those movers pack up our crap in Michigan, we high-fived and agreed that we’d have them move us back to Michigan, too.

Well, now I’m seriously second-guessing that decision, because I keep discovering that things are MISSING from our house! Like, where is my stuff?

 

For example, my super-expensive adjustable dumbbell set. Yeah! One of the good ones! Super high-quality.

And I’m just TODAY realizing that it’s not here.

NO, I have NOT been working out.

 

Can you even imagine what else is missing that I haven’t thought of, yet?

I’m losing my marbles.

 

I’ve submitted claims for the damage incurred to my beautiful furniture (and vases) while moving our stuff here, and I also just submitted a claim for my missing weight set.

Do you hear me, army?!

I demand restitution!

 

Anyway, almost all the rooms are set up in our new house.

I just have some decorative stuff leaning against the walls of hallways/bedrooms with intent to hang once I figure out where I want it.

 

And our Christmas tree is finally up!!! Now we are just like everyone else!

Here’s a picture of Alabama Christmas:

Alabama Christmas tree!

 

I’m in a fragile emotional state. Can you tell?

Those movers really did a number on me.

And so did this move.

I keep having these weird bouts of angst. Surges of overwhelm. It’s annoying because I wish it would just go away.

 

Maybe I’ll get a dog.

Sometimes, I am like IF I DON’T GET A DOG TOMORROW I’M GOING TO LOSE IT!

And other times, I’m like THANK GOD I DON’T HAVE A DOG BECAUSE HOW COULD I SPEND THREE HOURS REARRANGING ELEPHANT SCULPTURES IF I DID?

 

Anyway, I’ll be in the presence of animals soon enough.

Why?

Because Husband’s Christmas leave got approved!

We will be back in Michigan from December 24-January 1.

I can’t wait to SEE MY MOM AGAIN!

And my kitty!

And the rest of my family (but mostly my mom).

What?

 

Now, stay tuned for my look how cute my house is post!

 

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